My sadness will be there with me forever

I always wondered if i was a loner, I am a loner always. But after several years of loneliness i figured out I was not alone, always one acquaintance companied me through out my life. And I am sure he will be there till the end of my time. I don't know him that well but he had been always with me more than any other good companion. "Sadness" is what they call him but I am always happy to be sad instead of being happy for being with "Happiness". My luck is a leaf on the monsoon wind, weaving unstably along the storm of my life. I never had what I wish to have, I never was who I wish to be. And all I was all these days is a clown trying to make people around me happy even though i was crying inside. I am an artist with ugly paintings, a singer with tragic songs. The world is a screwy place to all they say, and i was screwed by it all the day. Death could be a one time pill I could take to heal my pain, yet I fear even that could give me a rebirth. So in the midst of all the hurdles and hustle my dead soul is traveling with a confused mind searching for a end to all thats going on. God is always a rope i hang on to when I am on the verge, sometimes even the rope drifts me away to the core hell. Tears can't chill the heat of my molten heart, instead the blistering heat from my heart dries away all my tears.